02.05.29

4:59 p.m.

i've been having a little bit of trouble sleeping lately.

laying awake at two in the morning, smoking cigarettes. the television and computer both off. orange street light and the occasional sound drifting in through the window.

there was this one time, last week i think, when we were both in bed late at night. me and her, the two of us, drifting in and out of sleep for a couple of hours before she had to go back home.

and before she did, before she got up to get dressed and drive away, she hugged me. me still in bed. her with her legs around my legs, her head on my chest and her hair on my head, she hugged me. and her warmth-- her skin on my skin, so soft and of heat-- took away any sort of chill that had crept up on my slumbering body.

and she was so warm. so warm. she was the warm of the sun in summer.

and when she got up, i woke up. and with my eyes still closed i said, "wait," i said, "come back."

but, she had to go.

lately, for the past couple of days, i've been having a bit of trouble sleeping. lately i lay awake, smoking cigarettes, with this overwhelming feeling of unaccomplishment. feeling as though there's something i should be doing.

yesterday i took a long walk around the city. downtown, around the financial district.

a long walk, it had been a while. i used to walk everywhere. with a newly made mixtape and no direction. starting randomly off from bart somewhere, wondering until the surroundings seemed familiar.

walking has always been good for me and thinking. also, me and not thinking. one time i walked the entire length of geary, from powell to the ocean, without really realizing how far i had gone until i got there.

and yesterday, after the walk and the bus ride home, i met one of my neighbors. she seemed very nice. she said, at one point in our short conversation, "welcome." welcome, which is in stark contrast to the dirty look that was shot my way the other day when i said hello to the lady that lives directly underneath me.

and now, in total, i have met four of my neighbors, in varying degrees. varying degrees, ranging from a passing hello to an actual, in-depth, conversation. and mostly, they have all seemed pretty nice.

pretty nice. barring (of course) the lady who lives directly underneath me.

but, actually, taking into account the little amount of sleep that i have gotten in the past couple of days, i'm not really all that tired. not really at all.

actually, i'm looking forward to going home and watching yojimbo. also, cooking some rice. i'm looking forward to preparing my patented creamy chicken-noodle sauté (directions: (1) cook some rice, (2) drain the majority of the water, (3) add four packets of lipton's cup-a-noodle soup along with some butter, (4) mix together, (5) let simmer).

it's a little salty, but it's good. also, the soup is free.

i steal it from work.