02.02.06

8:05 p.m.

dear diary,

yesterday i met chaya. chaya is rad. and diary, you know me, i'm not really one to use the word rad, but, i will use it here. chaya is rad. chaya is also really smart. i told her that if i was from boston, i would say that she was 'wicked smart.' but i'm not, so i can't.

chaya and i got coffee at a place in the lower haight. before hand, all day, i had been saying her name in my head because i was afraid i would call her 'chi-ah.' her name is actually pronounced 'ky-ah.' but she said that people that she has known for years call her 'chi-ah,' so i didn't feel as bad.

we talked about swinney a bunch. i learned alot of things about alot of people that i know of only through web pages. we talked about justin hall some. i also commented on how i thought robotec9 was the coolest screen name ever.

we talked about kid 606 for a little while too. it's amazing how i can't stop thinking about him. he is bad, but at the same time, he is good. chaya actually knows friends of his. weird huh?

she actually knows alot of people. alot. i told her that, by meeting her, i will own everyone on the six degrees of separation game. it's true.

i met elly yesterday too. she came down to the cafe that chaya and i were at and said hello. i got all nervous and tripped over my words. and diary, honestly, i have not felt that shy since i was fourteen. lame, huh? and it's a shame too, because elly seems like the type of person that can smell fear.

at one point i proclaimed that i needed cigarettes, and was fully intending on standing up to go get cigarettes, but didn't. i just sat there. i was nervous. sometimes i am bashful. in retrospect, it's kind of funny.

ix showed up later too. it was his birthday. he seemed like a nice guy. he later left with elly. the two of them were going to see blue oyster cult.

chaya and i then went up the street to a bar where they were spinning drum and bass. it was neat, i haven't heard drum and bass loudly in quite a while. two of the three djs were girls and the mc didn't show up until right before we left, so it was all good.

and you know what's really cool? chaya told me that she likes peace division! because, remember? sean and i had that argument about whether girls that like peace division actually exist? yeah.

but, i don't know. i think my favorite part of the night was when i was waiting for the bus and we were smiling and saying our goodbyes and i got to stare at her for a minute. really tipsy, standing kind of close.

i'm weird i guess, huh?

but i don't really know what to say. i guess a part of me thinks that she was expecting someone else. i mean, i am not this. you know? like yeah, sure, i guess i am this in some way, i mean this is a part of who i am, but at the same time i am not this. you know?

like, i write in you so i don't have to talk about the things i write in you. i don't like to think so much these days.

and you should have heard the things that she was saying! seriously. she is so smart. so smart. so smart that i couldn't help but just be smiley and have nothing to say.

and i felt bad! seriously. i felt like i was boring her.

i don't know. god.

what are we going to do with me?