02.01.28

12:50 a.m.

funny anticdote number one:

the other day i was on the bus. the 130 samtrans coming from colma bart to home. and on the bus are these little billboard-type ads, all up and down the isle on either side. and while sitting, enjoying the ride, one ad caught my eye.

this one ad, it featured the likeness of three chickens, and it read don't get couped up in the isle. but (and this is where the funny happens), as i glanced up at the billboard it read to me don't get couped up in the ass. and that's funny. don't get couped up in the ass, that's funny. so i start laughing.

but, after closer examination, i realized that instead of reading don't get couped up in the ass, the billboard in fact read don't get couped up in the isle. and that, to me, was even funnier. that i would confuse the two, that was even funnier. so i start laughing again. again, but harder.

and for the entire duration of the bus ride home, this is how it went. i would laugh and then stop and then glance up at the billboard again and laugh again and stop and so on and so on. and eventually it got ugly. eventually people were staring.

funny anticdote number two:

while smoking cigarettes with dug outside of the house, we are discussing the attraction of tossing a cigarette away (letting it fly) as apposed to, say, butting it out and throwing it in a can.

and dug says that he likes to flick. dug says that he feels the flick is the most satisfying end to the cigarette smoking experience.

and i say that i like the across-the-body toss the best.

and dug says, 'right. the no-look pass.'

and i say, 'yes! the john-stockton, if you will.'

and we laugh.

and now, from this day forward, a no-look across-the-body toss of a lit cigarette will be referred to as the john-stockton.

funny anticdote number three:

tweekin records. fuck you!

tweekin records, i've been looking for you. since the first day that i moved to san francisco, i've been looking for you. in the past i have walked up and down the 500 block of haight street because i was told that that's where you hang out.

but to no avail. never ever did i see you. nope.

but yesterday! yesterday, i finally found you!

yesterday, i finally realized that you- tweeking records- you're just a little nook/basement sort of a place with no sign. i finally just stumbled upon you after obtaining directions from a co-worker of mine who said, 'yeah, tweekin is great! you'll love it!'

so i found you. you, tweekin records. i found you.

and what were you? you were fucking closed!

closed! at four o'clock on a saturday, you were closed.

so, tweekin records, i say to you: never again.

never again. i've given up on you.

funny anticdote number four:

a long long time ago (months and months and months), i posted a personal ad at match.com.

i think the funny kinda speaks for itself there, no?

also, i used the phrase 'all around individual.'