02.01.21

1:32 a.m.

hi. it's sunday.

i'm bored.

so, i was thinking. i figure, in order for you (the reader), to better understand me (the writer), i will share the three things that i find myself thinking about most often. these three things are not all too important or complicated but, never the less, they are my obsessions. also, i can't really come up with anything else to write about.

so, here:

#1 - time

example a: the other day i was walking down battery headed towards togo's and there was a homeless guy sitting on the sidewalk.

and this homeless guy, he was asking for donations.

and he had a sign made out of faded cardboard which said something like 'down on my luck, please help out,' and it might have mentioned something about being a veteran as well. he also had a cup next to the sign in order to hold any donation that you might want to give him.

but this cup was not any ordinary cup- no- no, this cup was special.

this cup, it was about the size of a medium sized tumbler, and it was made out of plastic. it was pale white, and it had holes the size of nickels scattered about and, i don't know if i'm describing this well enough for you to get a good mental picture but, this cup was the sort of thing that held eating utensils in the cafeteria of my elementary school.

you know? like, when you would need a plastic fork or knife, you would go to that salad bar type thing in the lunch room, and you would grab one.

so, as i pass this homeless man with his plastic cup with holes, this is what i think: 'who would have thought, way back in elementary school when i was eight and needed a spoon to eat my applesauce with, that one day- one day, i would see one of those plastic cups with holes again on a street in san francisco.'

example b: this is one of my earliest memories. i was five years old and getting dressed in the morning and, as i grabbed my a-team belt, i paused and thought, 'this is weird because, right now, i'm holding this a-team belt in my hands but, in five minutes, this won't be happening, it will be a memory.

'and memories are like dreams. really, there's no difference between dreams and memories. so who's to say that the one is different from the other.'

so i stood there, holding the belt all elasticy with it's magnetic buckle, attempting to hold on to that moment for better recollection in the future.

#2 - the things behind things, or, the things that no one knows about

example a: when i was four, i took part in a preschool program at one of the local churches in clifton park. and next to this church sat a washed out river bed about fifteen feet down a semi-steep hill.

and there was thick brush around the hill that shielded the river bed, and you couldn't really see too far down the hill, and nobody really knew what was down there. it was a sort of mystery.

in june of that year, we (the students of preschool) were told that we were going to do something special to celebrate the end of the school year. we were then told to offer up suggestions. there were two.

the first suggestion, which was mine, was to explore the river bed.

the second suggestion was to go to chuck e cheese.

we took a vote and went to chuck e cheese.

example b: watching football today and seriously- one of those stadiums they play football in- they can hold like fifty billion people, right? like fifty hundred billion. fifty billion people gathered together, all excited, watching this football game.

and yet, probably, like twenty blocks away, there are people who have no idea that there is a football game going on. you know? like, they have no idea that fifty billion people are twenty blocks away, screaming their heads off all excited over football.

example c: the firm that i work for has this thing called the 'who's who' book. it has biographies for all of the attorneys that work in all of the offices of the firm around california. it's actually online too, but i'm not going to tell you where.

anyway, along with the biographies are pictures. highschool yearbook type headshots.

and i've been wondering where these pictures come from. like, do the attorneys go out and have them taken professionally and then supply them to the firm, or does the firm supply the photographer. i don't know.

in my head i have this image of all of the new attorneys coming into the office on some saturday and having them done all together. like a sort of bonding experience. in my head it seems like a fun day. maybe they'd order pizza or sushi.

#3 - that one love

example a: honestly, you should see the girls that i am attracted to. they are way too good for me. they are so far out of my league it's not even funny. like, all the girls that wear skirts and boots and glasses. you know?

the sophisticated ones. smart and beautiful and all-together.

i think a part of me likes the idea of meeting a woman who could maybe bring me all-together too. someone who could make me respectable.

and i could tell our kids stories about us. like, 'you know kids, you should have seen me before i met your mother, i was a mess.'

(i thought you going to stop writing things like that. hmmmmm?)

example b: oh, i don't know. everything here, i guess.

this is mostly what i write about, yeah? like, i don't really have to explain this one so much, right?

yeah.